


It Was All Very Traumatic

by deathbyfandom



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (I have no self restraint and I love tropes), (listen I hate slow build but the characters aren't doing what i want), (someone stop me), Angst, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build, discussion of dirk's past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-03 23:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10260953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyfandom/pseuds/deathbyfandom
Summary: I wanted to write a one shot where Todd hears the confrontation between Dirk and Riggins but then it just kinda kept going.





	1. You're My Friend

**Author's Note:**

> The first few scenes are from the show so I don't own that, it's all Max Landis' amazing writing.

“Will you help me?”

Todd's mind was a mess and it took him multiple minutes to form a coherent thought. The obvious and most logical answer would be no, then Todd could forget about this whole thing and he could cash in his lottery ticket and fix his apartment, get a new job. But for some reason his mouth was cooperating and the words “Maybe. Yes.” tumbled from his lips. Before Todd could take back what he had said Dirk was grinning and patting him on the shoulder. “Good. Very good.” He said, then he turned and all but skipped towards the stairs. Todd stared after him and almost immediately began to doubt his decision. He needed to get a new job, he needed to fix his apartment, and he needed to take care of his sister. And he was fairly certain he couldn't do any of the above any time soon if he agreed to work with Dirk. Nope. He definitely could not get any more involved in this situation and he had to tell Dirk to just leave him alone right now.

With some level of determination Todd made his way down the stairs already preparing a ‘I have to take care of my sister and that means I can't go on crazy adventures with you’ speech in his head when he heard Dirk's voice.

“No. Leave me alone.” Todd had never heard Dirk sound like this. His voice was cold and scared?

“Svlad, we need to talk.” Svlad? Todd paused at the top of the stairs and peered over the banister, down to where Dirk was standing.

“That's not my name anymore.” Todd felt like this wasn't something he should be listening to but he couldn't bring himself to move.

“Dirk then.”

“I said leave me alone!” Dirk was angry. Todd had never heard him angry, his voice was cold and harsh and from where Todd was standing he could see Dirk's hands clenched at his sides.

Then someone jumped on Dirk and muffled yells filled the room. Todd considered running in and pulling the man off of Dirk but before he could move the other man yelled, “Friedkin goddammit, get off of him!”

Dirk fumbled away and gripped the banister. “Is this what you do now? You just attack people?” Dirk exclaimed. 

“Sorry sir, I got confused." The guy, Friedkin, stood up and walked out of Todd's line of sight.

“He seems like a real winner.” Dirk's voice was filled with sarcasm and Todd felt oddly proud.

“Dirk, listen to me.” 

“Why? Do you have new lies to tell me?”

“We need you to come back in for debriefing.” Was Dirk some kind of secret agent for the CIA or something?

“Yes, why not? It’s only been 16 years!” He was an agent for the CIA...16 years ago? He would have been like 15, at most.

“Blackwing is under review. That's why we bailed you out when the police brought you in. It's the least you can do.” Blackwing? Dirk was in some kind of top secret government operation called Blackwing?

“The least I could do?”

“It's in your best interest.” Todd was liking this guy less and less.

“You promised them something and you couldn't deliver.” Dirk's voice was shaking. “You promised me something and you couldn't deliver.”

“Dirk, I am not the enemy here.” Todd could see the other guy now, he was oldish, balding, it was hard to believe this was the guy who Dirk was so afraid of and angry with. “And you are not a detective.” Yeah. Todd definitely didn't like this guy.

The guy was walking towards Dirk and Dirk was stumbling away until his back hit the wall. “You're going to get yourself hurt or killed if you keep-”

“I am on a case!” Dirk said, talking over the other guy. “I have friends a-and we found clues! We're gonna solve a mystery! A real one! And some people think I'm a pretty good detective!”

“I'm trying to protect you. I don't know what they'll do.” They? Who the hell was they and what did they want with Dirk?

“I don't care. I don't need you.” Dirk's voice was colder than ever as he pushed off the wall and took two steps forward, “Go back to hiding in the shadows. It was the only thing you were ever good at.”

Then Dirk stepped out the door. Todd didn't know what to do, would Dirk be mad that he had eavesdropped? It wasn't like he could just pretend he didn't know anything. He retreated back up the stairs then changed his mind and peered back down the stairs, Friedkin and the other man were gone and he made a split second decision to go find Dirk. No matter how much he didn't like Dirk he couldn't let him go wandering into the night feeling as bad as Todd assumed he did.

He found Dirk sitting against a wall with his head in his hands muttering something under his breath. “Dirk?” Dirk looked up and upon seeing Todd, jumped to his feet and wiped his face quickly. “Todd. Hello. How can I help you?”

“I heard...everything, I'm sorry I was coming to…” Todd had completely forgotten about how he was going to tell Dirk he wanted him to leave and now he wasn't quite sure he could, “coming to ask you uh something and then…” Dirk was staring at Todd with fear filled eyes and Todd didn't know how to fix it. “Why don't you stay at my place tonight?” Dirk stared at him for a moment then asked, “Don't you want to ask me about it? Or- or tell me you can't deal with this and I should just fuck off?” It was Todd's turn to stare.

“What? No! I mean I do have some questions but- but you don't have to answer them now because you're upset and- and tired and it can wait.” Dirk studied Todd's face as if he expected him to laugh and yell “Just kidding! Never speak to me or my sister again!” Then he seemed to decide Todd was being serious and gave a slight smile. 

“Okay. Thank you Todd.”

“Well…” Todd sighed, “You're my friend.”

Then Dirk did that face he does with the hopeful puppy eyes and the secret grin like he knows something no one else knows, the one that made Todd want to punch himself for being so happy he made Dirk this happy.

“You're my friend too.” Dirk said as if in confirmation of the friendship, and for some reason Todd had to keep himself from grinning. “Okay, well, we better go back upstairs, it's cold.” Todd knew they should, would, have a longer conversation about this but right now he was tired and Dirk looked like he would burst into tears if he had to talk about it so leaving it until tomorrow was probably the best course of action for everyone.

Walking up the stairs Dirk was oddly quiet and Todd found himself missing Dirk’s usual incessant chatter. Inside Todd’s apartment was just as abnormally quiet, Amanda and Farah were sitting on the torn up couch staring at spots on the wall and not saying a word. “Dirk is going to sleep here tonight.” Todd said, breaking the silence. Both Amanda and Farah looked up in mild surprise, apparently they hadn’t heard Todd and Dirk walk in. “Okay… So we’re all sleeping here?” Amanda asked and the other three all gave slight nods. “Cool, slumber party!” Todd was half expecting Dirk to get excited too but he didn’t, the encounter with the old man seemed to have shaken him.

Despite Amanda’s enthusiasm they were all exhausted and party was the last thing they wanted to do, with sleeping being the first.

“You only have one bed, where are we going to sleep?” Farah, ever the voice of reason, asked. She was right, Todd only had one bed and the couch would only take one person, he was fairly certain there was a blow up mattress somewhere in one of his cupboards but someone was still going to have to share. They set up the blow up mattress and then played scissors paper rock like responsible adults. Farah got the torn up sofa, Amanda got the slightly dusty blow up mattress and Dirk and Todd were left to share Todd’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, I apologise for the amount of dialogue I write too much dialogue because I'm bad at writing descriptions of actions.


	2. Insomnia?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd can't sleep and Dirk opens up about Blacking, kinda.

“I don't want to make you uncomfortable.” Dirk was standing in his boxers and a t-shirt Todd had lent him next to the bed, Farah and Amanda were both already in their respective ‘beds’ and probably already sleeping. Todd sighed and patted the spot next to him, “I'm not uncomfortable Dirk, I'm tired, just get into the bed.”

Dirk didn't bother arguing further and gingerly climbed into the bed as far from Todd as he could. After a few minutes, though, Dirk rolled away from the edge and settled close enough that Todd could feel the heat emanating from his body and suddenly Todd was wide awake. He was insanely aware of Dirk's breath evening out and every twitch of Dirk's fingers. 

The next hour or 6 (Todd’s perception of time was not brilliant) was an agonising torture of tossing and turning and thinking about Dirk and his stupid ideas and his stupid jackets and his stupid, stupid face. And his goddamn bright eyes that are so filled with hope that they made even Todd feel hopeful. Fuck. Todd sighed and rolled over again. That was a mistake, now he was face to face with Dirk who looked oddly calm, there was no over exaggerated expression of excitement and Todd didn’t like it. Mostly because it felt incredibly intimate to see Dirk so relaxed, like his usual childlike excitement and loud personality were shields that had dissolved as soon as he fell asleep. And maybe it was a little weird for Todd to lie there watching Dirk but by this point he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Then Dirk’s expression changed, his eyes moved restlessly under his eyelids and his expression was pulled into a frown. He made a small, upset sound and flinched. Todd didn’t even think before he found himself gently shaking Dirk’s shoulder and whispering, “It’s okay, wake up Dirk, it’s just a dream.” Dirk’s eyes snapped open and his eyes flicked wildly over Todd’s face before recognition set in and he relaxed. “Sorry for waking you, I should have warned you.” He whispered.

“No, it’s okay…” Todd’s hand was still on Dirk’s shoulder. “I was already awake.” Why was his hand still on Dirk's shoulder? Dirk was silent for a moment then he shuffled closer. “Do you have insomnia?” He asked, his usual curious eyes back and finding Todd's in the dark. Todd let out a short, quiet laugh. “No I don't have insomnia, I just couldn't sleep.”

Dirk studied Todd's face for a moment then he asked, “Because of me?”

“What? No! Of course not I just- I'm just worried about Amanda.” Todd whispered. Dirk didn't look convinced. “Todd… did you want to ask about Blackwing?”

“No I- well yeah, but that's not why I couldn't sleep.”

“Okay so why couldn't you sleep?”

“I told you!”

“Todd.”

Todd glared at Dirk, only just realising how close they were. “I just… I don't know, I haven't shared a bed with someone in a long time, it's just- I don't know, it's weird.”

“Okay well one, I find it hard to believe you haven't shared a bed with someone in a long time, you're very attractive Todd.” Dirk said and Todd wondered how he should interpret that, “And two, I really can sleep on the floor if you want, I've done it before.” 

“You're not sleeping on the floor.” Todd immediately responded, because of course he’s not going to kick Dirk out of the bed, that would be ridiculous. “Just… I don’t know.”

Dirk went silent for a while and Todd almost thought he had fallen asleep again, but then he spoke. “I’m going to tell you about Blackwing.” It wasn’t a question or a suggestion, there was no doubt in his tone. He had decided he wanted to tell Todd about Blackwing and he was doing it now whether Todd liked it or not.

“Blackwing is a project formed within the CIA by a man called Scott Riggins, the man you saw tonight. Its purpose was to locate and study people with “special abilities” or psychics as we were more casually referred to. I was brought in when I was… well I must have been 7? Or 8? I can’t quite remember, anyhow, very young. At first it was all very harmless, mostly just brain scans, which were uncomfortable and boring but all in all not that bad, and guessing games, although I suspect they were hoping it wouldn’t be guessing and that I would just somehow magically know. And, well, obviously it didn’t work because I’m not psychic. So they decided I needed more incentive, I suppose, so, uh, they tried only feeding me if I guessed right. Which also didn’t work. Then they found that inflicting pain worked on other test subjects so, uh, that’s when the electric shocks started. At first it was just zaps, you know, pretty weak, not enough to do any serious damage. But apparently that’s when the universe decided to start helping me because suddenly I knew the answers. So now they thought it was working and of course their logical brains figured that bigger guesses required more incentive, and well, you can guess what happened from there. Anyway, it was all very traumatic but it’s okay now because I got out and now I have you and Farah and Amanda, so everything’s fine.”

Todd couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Dirk that’s awful, I’m so sorry.” 

Dirk seemed uncomfortable with the sympathy he was receiving and shrugged in response. “There’s no point dwelling on the past, Todd, better to focus on what’s going on right now.”

“Is it what you were dreaming about?” Todd asked before he could stop himself.

“Blackwing? Well yes, but it’s okay because you woke me up. Thank you for that by the way.”

“Dirk it doesn’t- you don’t have to be okay…”

Dirk fell quiet and his eyes drifted down to where his hands were fiddling with the loose threads on Todd’s blanket. “I guess…” He started, “I’m not...really.” Todd was silent, hoping Dirk would open up a little more about the things he’d clearly been repressing for years but he didn’t say anything else. The room was silent for a good 5 minutes then Dirk sniffled and it suddenly hit Todd that Dirk had started crying and now he was not only lying in bed with this man but this man was crying in his bed.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pressed, fuck, I’m so sorry.” What the hell are you supposed to do when someone starts crying in your bed? 

“Don’t worry Todd, it’s good, I haven’t cried in a long time.” Todd wasn’t quite sure of the logic behind that but he figured that if Dirk thought it was a good thing then it was probably alright.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Dirk smiled. “No, I’m quite alright, thank you.”

Todd was silent for a while, mainly because everything he could think of saying would probably just make it worse. Then he whispered, “You are a pretty good detective and you’re not going back to those bastards.” And Dirk smiled again. It really was Todd’s favourite thing and the mere fact that he could make Dirk smile felt like a power he didn’t deserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're meant to be getting together, when? Who knows, certainly not me.


	3. I'm not sure what spoons have to do with cuddling, Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally get together and cuddling ensues.

Dirk was studying Todd, his eyes flicking across Todd’s face as if trying to read something written on Todd’s skin or maybe just committing every detail to memory out of fear that Todd would disappear tomorrow. For the second time it hit Todd just how close Dirk was. Dirk’s lips were inches from his and he could feel Dirk's breath against his skin. Todd’s hand had slid from Dirk's shoulder to his neck without Todd meaning it to.

“The universe doesn't like me that much...” Dirk started, “Which, I mean, obviously, it let me be experimented on by the CIA, but… sometimes… the universe leads me to people… for cases, and then, when the case ends, they just… leave.” Dirk paused for a moment before continuing. “And usually I don't mind because they never really like me anyway, but… you're different, I don't want Farah and Amanda and you, I don't want you to leave.”

Todd didn't even think before he pressed his lips to Dirk's. Dirk made a surprised noise and his lips were stiff beneath Todd’s, as if he wanted to kiss back but wasn't quite sure how. And before he could get over his shock and work it out, Todd pulled back, leaving his forehead pressed against Dirk's and his hand on Dirk's cheek.

“That was… unexpected.” Dirk's eyes were wide open and Todd felt every ounce of self consciousness he's ever felt all at once. “I didn't think you-”

“I don't.” Todd interrupted, without even thinking, he seemed to be not thinking a lot tonight, definitely something to work on.

“Oh.” Dirk said, “Then why…?”

“I…” Todd didn't know how to answer. Why had he done that?

“I think…” Dirk said, then he closed his eyes and brushed his lips against Todd's. He barely felt it and it was over before he could respond but something in Todd clicked, this was good. This was right.

“This feels right.” Dirk said, voicing Todd's thoughts.

“I'm not… you deserve better.” Todd said, his fingers digging themselves into Dirk's hair, as if begging him to stay in spite of everything.

“The universe led me to you, Todd.”

“That doesn't mean anything.”

Dirk was silent. Then one of his hands awkwardly fluttered up Todd's side and settled on his waist. “What if… What if I want you?” Todd was about to reply but Dirk didn't let him. “I never get what I want Todd! The universe sends me where it wants and I never get to do anything I want!” He sounded a bit like a toddler having a temper tantrum and Todd felt himself smile. “For once can I just do what I want! Let me do what I want, Todd.”

“You want to do me?” Todd laughed quietly. Dirk's face heated up under his hand and Todd wished it weren't so dark so he could see the blush spreading across Dirk's face.

“No, I… Todd this is serious.”

“Of course, yes, no, very serious.” Dirk was looking at him with a ‘this a serious matter stop laughing’ face that cracked only seconds later and then Dirk was quietly laughing with him.

“I can probably sleep now.” Todd said, when they stopped laughing and silence filled the room again.

“Oh. Okay.” Dirk said, he sounded slightly disappointed and Todd didn't understand why until Dirk moved his hand from Todd's waist and started shuffling back to his side of the bed.

“No, wait,” Todd said, “I thought, maybe, we could like spoon, or whatever.”

“Spoon?” Todd could practically see Dirks Confused Face.

“Yeah, you know, like cuddle.”

“I'm not sure what spoons have to do with cuddling, Todd.”

“It’s a way of cuddling, here just…” Todd gently pushed Dirk, “Roll over and then…” Todd pressed himself to Dirk's back and wrapped his arm around Dirk's waist.

“This is… good.” Dirk said, “We can do this every night, right? I mean if you don't want to we don't have to but I'd like to. If that's okay with you.”

Todd smiled. “Whatever you want. Now go to sleep.”

And so Dirk fell asleep feeling safe for the first time in a long time, and Todd fell asleep feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time. And both fell asleep happier than ever. Because whatever tomorrow had in store for them, whatever the universe saw fit to throw at them, at least they'd be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did I manage to include a sexual innuendo in a serious fic? We may never know. Anyway that's it folks. Hopefully you enjoyed this pretty self indulgent fic.


End file.
